Alhamdulillah, i feel like i really belong to a family now.i know what it sounds like but after the trip to USS on 18th December with my family,i feel so much closer to them.it's a feeling which no one can rape me of.i love it so much.

2010 also saw me getting much closer to three of my gerls. they have been my pillar of strength and been there to guide me when i need them.thank you.

and salihin,thank you for everything.i still love you.and i cant believe that we got this far and we are still very much in love with US.Insya'Allah, we will last till the end of time.amin.

2010 was my Alevels year.and it was damn hard to get through.i remember always succumbing to depression and losing faith in myself but my family and friends helped me through.

thank you salihin for always pulling me back when i wanted to kill myself.and always reminding me that Allah will be angry at me if i do.

2010 opened my eyes to who i can trust and count on.no doubt,many people have hurt me but those who didn't,even if you do,after what has happened in 2010,i will not want to lose you.you have proved yourself worthy of being in my life.thank you.♥

it doesnt matter how i celebrate the end of 2010 or the beginning of 2011.

what matters to me is that i realise my mistakes and try to amend them.

insya'Allah,we can all be a much better person.

i love all those in my life.

i promise i will try to appreciate all those in my life more and be more appreciative of what i have in this life.

may Allah bless us till the end of time.Amin.

and with 2011,comes the 'end' of this blog.i will be writing all my thoughts in a diary rather than blogging it.

thank you,dear blog.i will always need you to look back on my life.

thank you for being there.so that i can reflect on my life.

i am a babitch.; 8:22 PM

so brace urself if you are going to read it.

it's just this feeling.this sucky feeling that i hope someone can take away.

and i really someone will take it away cause if no one does,then i have this feeling that i am going to crumble inside and when i crumble inside,i will be a bitter person inside and that isnt fun at all.

maybe lack of sleep could attribute to this but i am strongly doubting so.

ok.

so here it goes.

someone did lift my spirits high.and i tot that it would last so i didnt embrace myself for the sudden toss from the air to the ground.i didnt have any safety blanket to catch me and it hurts so much.i was bruised after the fall.so badly bruised that i dare not stand up again.

but that's the thing.the thing is i stood up with my own two feet.watch myself being lifted into the air again and being thrown again.and i did nothing.

sore loser i am.

so what did i do? i became mean.i began pushing everyone away from me until i was certain no one could hear me cry or know that i was crying.tat way,no one will know what hurt me and they will not be able to hurt me.but i was wrong.

cause the more i did tat,the moment i trusted someone,i will tell them all my qualms about my life and i made myself more vulnerable which totally suck.and yes,if it isnt anymore obvious,i was hurt again.this time,i was not bruised.i merely broke one too many bones.

sometimes,i dont quite understand myself and i started to want things that i cant get and wonder how unfair this life can be.but then i just think of my religion and i am thnkful that i was born in this life but then......yes,it became a cycle.a mundane one.and the sad thing is,no one can liberate me from the cycle.

im stuck with it.like it or not.

it feels like i have to tell so many ppl what i want in order for them to understand what i truly want.and that is why i feel like no one knows me.but i dont blame them,really.cause at the end of the day,i too dont even know myself.but who cares.i mean seriously,in this 'dog eat dog' world,no one will actually sit down and help you solve ur problems so it's best if you too dont get too oppressed by their problems.

for one to say all this thing,it isnt nice.it isnt an act for sympathy.

im merely speaking my mind and if it sounds incoherent,pardon me.

but there is no doubt that what had happened in this life had actually contributed to this incoherent mind of mine.

mind of mine.

hahah.cheap thrill.

i wish i could just keep on talking and talking and not have to stop.

but that will only happen if i find someone who is actually willing to do one thing; stop and listen and care.

and oh ya,another thing.im too tired to even tell you that im sleepy.

goodnight.i shall head to bed now.

bye ♥

i am a babitch.; 5:33 PM

it's a feeling that you really can't describe.

neither can u place a finger on it.

right now,all im thinking about was yesterday.

when we had fun at USS.

Mummy,Cik Ati, Cik Afee and all.

i dont quite know why but seriously,this feeling is making me miss yesterday so much.

i am actually thinking what we were doing around this time yesterday (8.05pm)

maybe yesterday made me appreciate my mum even more.

and more than that,it made me realise the value of family and how lucky i am to have Salihin as my boyfriend.♥

i am a babitch.; 8:04 PM

i am a babitch.; 11:38 AM

other times, i wonder why I am so cute (:

♥ im tooo bored ♥

i am a babitch.; 5:54 PM

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!

i am a babitch.; 2:46 PM

i feel like a munafik.

can anyone please tell Allah that i really am sorry for what i've done.

please.

tell Him i'm so terribly sorry for it.

that i will,if He gives me strength, change.

please.

im begging.

i am a babitch.; 11:33 PM