so brace urself if you are going to read it.

it's just this feeling.this sucky feeling that i hope someone can take away.

and i really someone will take it away cause if no one does,then i have this feeling that i am going to crumble inside and when i crumble inside,i will be a bitter person inside and that isnt fun at all.

maybe lack of sleep could attribute to this but i am strongly doubting so.

ok.

so here it goes.

someone did lift my spirits high.and i tot that it would last so i didnt embrace myself for the sudden toss from the air to the ground.i didnt have any safety blanket to catch me and it hurts so much.i was bruised after the fall.so badly bruised that i dare not stand up again.

but that's the thing.the thing is i stood up with my own two feet.watch myself being lifted into the air again and being thrown again.and i did nothing.

sore loser i am.

so what did i do? i became mean.i began pushing everyone away from me until i was certain no one could hear me cry or know that i was crying.tat way,no one will know what hurt me and they will not be able to hurt me.but i was wrong.

cause the more i did tat,the moment i trusted someone,i will tell them all my qualms about my life and i made myself more vulnerable which totally suck.and yes,if it isnt anymore obvious,i was hurt again.this time,i was not bruised.i merely broke one too many bones.

sometimes,i dont quite understand myself and i started to want things that i cant get and wonder how unfair this life can be.but then i just think of my religion and i am thnkful that i was born in this life but then......yes,it became a cycle.a mundane one.and the sad thing is,no one can liberate me from the cycle.

im stuck with it.like it or not.

it feels like i have to tell so many ppl what i want in order for them to understand what i truly want.and that is why i feel like no one knows me.but i dont blame them,really.cause at the end of the day,i too dont even know myself.but who cares.i mean seriously,in this 'dog eat dog' world,no one will actually sit down and help you solve ur problems so it's best if you too dont get too oppressed by their problems.

for one to say all this thing,it isnt nice.it isnt an act for sympathy.

im merely speaking my mind and if it sounds incoherent,pardon me.

but there is no doubt that what had happened in this life had actually contributed to this incoherent mind of mine.

mind of mine.

hahah.cheap thrill.

i wish i could just keep on talking and talking and not have to stop.

but that will only happen if i find someone who is actually willing to do one thing; stop and listen and care.

and oh ya,another thing.im too tired to even tell you that im sleepy.

goodnight.i shall head to bed now.

bye ♥

i am a babitch.; 5:33 PM